Team Conflict: Rules of Engagement

Our feelings about conflict derive from our past experiences. Therefore, we all view conflict differently. Many people associate conflict with negative emotions and mistrust, but if handled effectively, it can be a tool for goal achievement. 

Types of Conflict

Those who view conflict with trepidation must remember that not all conflict is a personal attack on an individual. It is often a disagreement about how to use resources to achieve team goals. In some situations, there may be agreement on tasks and methods, but team members have not done a good job communicating their vision. But there are times when personal differences can lead to emotional conflict. Addressing the issue before tensions get out of hand is imperative when this happens. 

Conflict Outcomes

Conflict situations are neither bad nor good since disagreement and dissatisfaction must occur in work relationships to improve workplace performance. Research shows that when conflict is mishandled, there is mistrust, stress, and often retaliation, but when handled correctly, teams learn, grow, and achieve. The key to a healthy conflict process is to establish rules of engagement.  

Choose Your Behavior

When conflict arises, you must decide how you will react and how concerned you are about the other person's well-being. You can choose to avoid the conflict, but this may not resolve the problem and may lead to more personal stress.  

Mindfulness is the perfect awareness technique to employ when a conflict arises. Instead of attacking or recoiling and later justifying your reactions, try to learn to stay present and regulate your nervous system. (Hamilton, 2015) 

When experiencing team conflict, consider familiarizing yourself with the following conflict-handling styles and applying the suggested strategies. The Thomas and Kilmann model (1974) conceptualizes five conflict-handling styles based on two basic concerns, including concern for self and concern for others:

1. competition (high concern for self, low concern for others),
2. collaboration (high concern for self and others),
3. compromise (moderate concern for self and others),
4. accommodation (low concern for self and high concern for others), and
5. avoidance (low concern for self and others). (Windon, 2003)

Setting Rules of Engagement

If your team still needs to develop a formal strategy to handle conflict, now may be the time for a group discussion. Setting ground rules for behavior during a conflict can create an atmosphere conducive to problem-solving. Keep the rules simple and ensure everyone agrees to them so they can be enforced. (Chambers, 2015) The primary goal of conflict resolution should be to preserve individual dignity and build trust so the team can continue to achieve results. When there is conflict, participants should think about what they want the relationship to be like in the short and long term. Often this involves addressing emotions before a solution can be reached. People need to feel safe to honestly express their feelings; therefore, the team should agree that what happens in the meeting stays in the meeting.

Deal with the Emotion

When there is conflict, people want their concerns to be heard and their feelings to be respected. Acknowledging and validating feelings allows people to move past the emotional phase to the problem-solving phase. In addition to expressing feelings, people should be responsible for sharing ways to resolve the conflict. Once emotions have been addressed, it is time to gather facts and explore solutions. People also want to know that the resolution process will be fair and just. The team rules of engagement should include a decision-making process that is transparent and equitable.

Team Member Roles: Everybody's Job

1. Be prepared to solve the issue. To do that, you must withhold judgment, keep an open mind to new ideas and follow the decision-making process identified by the team.
2. Listen Actively. It is essential that all team members practice active listening. A discussion about the attributes of a good listener can remind members about their role in asking probing questions and paraphrasing to ensure problem identification.
3. Demonstrate a genuine concern for your teammates. Social belonging is a fundamental human need, hardwired into our DNA. (Carr 2019) How we treat people during conflict will impact future relationships and cooperation. 
4. Be truthful when giving feedback, and be prepared to accept feedback about your behavior. 
5. Use "I-messages" when identifying behaviors that upset or distract you. When using an I-message, state the distracting behavior followed by how it makes you feel. Then follow your statement with the consequences of your feelings. For example, you could say, "When you talk over me in a meeting, I get upset. It feels like you do not value my opinions, and I do not want to share ideas."

Setting the Stage

Just because there is a conflict doesn't mean you have to address it immediately. Sometimes it is better to wait until everyone is calm and prepared to solve the problem. When it is time to address the situation, choose a neutral and private location. Make sure you won't be distracted. This demonstrates concern for the other person and a desire to come to an agreement. You should also ensure everyone in the meetings knows why they are there and is prepared to speak. Finally, return to the rules of engagement and the decision-making process your team has established together. If your team plans to continue to work together, then the conflict resolution process should be fair, respectful, and transparent.

References

Brescó, B. W. (2016 American Psychological Association). Conflict and Memory: The Past in the Present. Peace and Conflict: Journal of Peace Psychology, 2016, Vol. 22, No. 1, 3–4.

Carr, Reece, Kellerman and Robichaux (2019). The Value of Belonging at Work. Harvard Business Review

Chambers, J (2015). Can We Talk – Civilly?

Hamilton, D. M. (2015). Calming Your Brain During Conflict. Harvard Business Review.

Kim, Mauborgne (2003). Fair Process: Managing in the Knowledge Economy. Harvard Business Review

Rahim, M. A. (2010). Managing conflict in organizations. Fourth Edition. Transaction publishers. New Brunswick, NJ

Windon, Stollar (2023). Conflict Styles, Outcomes, and Handling Strategies. Penn State Extension