Rethinking Parenting: How Stepping Back Could Help Kids Step Up

In today’s hectic world, parents may feel a need to immediately intervene and help their child with tasks the child may find challenging but could probably manage independently. Parents may step in to protect the child, facilitate the child’s achievements, or expedite the task. This behavior is called overparenting. Parents who use this approach are often well-intentioned, but their actions can hinder a child’s motivation and development. Recent research suggests that when parents can view tasks that their child must complete as learning opportunities, they can reduce their tendency to overparent and foster greater independence in their child (Shachnai et al., 2024).

Understanding Overparenting

Overparenting occurs when a parent takes over and completes tasks that the child is developmentally ready to accomplish (Shachnai et al., 2024). Using this behavior often arises from a parent’s need to support or desire to help, but overparenting can lead to long-lasting effects on children. These effects can include reduced resilience and increased anxiety and feelings of entitlement (Pure Life, 2024). Furthermore, children may, as a default, rely on constant parental assistance when they find a task challenging instead of finding their own solution to the situation. This circumstance may also result in the child experiencing decreased individual problem-solving skills (Pure Life, 2024). For example, if a child is trying to tie his or her shoes and a parent always intervenes instead of letting him or her practice, the child misses out on the chance to develop skills such as independence and patience.

The Power of Perceived Learning Opportunities

Shachnai and colleagues (2024) recently conducted a study in which they surveyed 77 parents of young children to determine how often parents step in when their child struggles with daily tasks such as putting on a jacket or solving a puzzle. The findings revealed that parents were less likely to intervene when they viewed a task as a valuable learning opportunity for their child (Shachnai et al., 2024). Academic tasks were most frequently perceived as learning opportunities, which led to less parental intervention for these tasks compared to non-academic tasks as parents assume children benefit more from engaging in academic activities (Shachnai et al., 2024).

Other learning opportunities that encourage skill development include seeing everyday tasks as chances for children to learn. Organizing laundry, setting the table, or getting dressed offers opportunities for children to develop motor and organizational skills and take on responsibility (Rende, 2021). For example, when children button a shirt or zip a jacket, they are improving their fine motor coordination. When children sort laundry by color or type, this activity develops their decision-making and categorization skills (Rende, 2021). Similarly, setting the table teaches spatial awareness and attention to detail as children learn to arrange utensils, cups, and plates (Rende, 2021).

Strategy for Overcoming Overparenting

According to Shachnai and colleagues (2024), a straightforward and effective strategy for reducing overparenting involves parents consciously framing tasks as learning opportunities. For example, by recognizing and appreciating the educational value of everyday activities, parents can help their children build resilience, patience, and independence. For instance, involving children in household chores can be seen not merely as task completion but as a chance to develop responsibility and learn structured routines (Rende, 2021). Similarly, allowing children to navigate social interactions independently can enhance their social and emotional intelligence (Trautner, 2017). In addition to social interactions, playtime can serve as a powerful tool for fostering creativity and imagination. Engaging children in activities such as imaginative role-playing games or creative storytelling can help them explore different scenarios and consider other perspectives (Help Me Grow, 2025). For instance, when children pretend to be astronauts exploring space or chefs running a restaurant, they exercise cognitive flexibility and learn to adapt to new challenges (Help Me Grow, 2025).

Balancing Support and Independence

Most parents want to support their children, so finding a balance between assisting and allowing independence to flourish is key. Parents can reduce overparenting behaviors by stepping back and shaping tasks as learning opportunities, and, by engaging in these strategies, parents can help their children build confidence and develop important life skills.

Additional Resources

• Mini-Booster Module Video: “Positive Parenting in Everyday Moments”
• Mini-Booster Module Video: “Having Developmentally Appropriate Expectations for your Preschooler”
• Developmental Milestones Chart
• Age-Appropriate Hygiene for 3 to 5 Year Olds
• Tips for How to Stop Overparenting

Source

Wojciechowski, A., Rudy, T. L., & Perkins, D. F. (2025, April 7). Rethinking parenting: How stepping back could help kids step up. Republished with permission by the authors and the Clearinghouse for Military Family Readiness.