Preparing for an Empty Nest

Have you thought about what life might be like for you when your children spread their wings and fly off into the world of adulthood? You have been there for their first steps, their first day of kindergarten, their first crush (and maybe their first heartbreak). You didn't have an instruction book, but you figured it out.

So what happens when your last child is grown and ready to live on their own, leaving your nest empty?

You know they're ready. You have prepared them for this step. But are you ready?

Acknowledging Your Feelings

Sure. You're ready for the lists and the packing and the moving. But are you emotionally ready? Many parents experience a range of emotions as their children leave home. They feel a mixture of excitement, anxiety, grief, worry, and fear.

Bougea et al. (2019) confirm that the feelings associated with an empty nest represent a very real psychological condition and that parents will likely feel one or more of these feelings. The bottom line is that what you're feeling is absolutely normal. But, with some relatively simple mental preparation, you will be better able to weather the changes.

First Things First

After your child moves out, be prepared to take some time to decompress. Expect things to look, feel, and work differently at home. You will likely have more free time, and there may be less laundry, fewer groceries to shop for, and less noise in the house. Getting used to the quiet can be a significant adjustment, because it's the first thing you will probably notice. But be patient with yourself as you learn to adjust to all of it.

Once you realize how much free time you may have, it could be a great time to reevaluate how you can fill that time when you aren't on the farm or at work. You can also reassess how chores at home or on the farm can be accomplished each day with fewer hands helping out.

You may be surprised to find that your schedule fills up more easily than you imagined. Step out of your comfort zone and look for new hobbies or activities. Learn new recipes. Visit with friends or family members you haven't seen for a long time. Volunteer with your church or at a food pantry. You have more options than you may realize.

Communicating about Change

Another important step in adjusting to your empty nest is realizing that, if you have a partner, you may not process the experience the same way. That is why it's so important to take time to discuss each of your expectations for, and concerns over, becoming an empty-nest couple. You may find that one of you is excited about the change and the other is not. Perhaps both of you may be ready for a quieter life, or maybe you both are ready to travel the world! Talking openly about these matters upfront will help prevent issues down the road.

Looking to the Future

Just because your child is leaving doesn't mean that you should stop planning and setting goals. True, many of the goals you made as a parent involved your children. But you probably set some of your own goals, too. And those should continue. Financial goals, retirement goals, work goals, and goals for your home. All of these can provide motivation for each new day.

Succession Planning

If you own a farm or a small business, you might also be wondering whether your children will continue to be involved after they move away. It's never too soon to have an open and honest conversation about it and how it will or will not continue into the future.

If you farm, would you like them to continue to work on the farm? Have you asked them whether they want to? Will they be able to help out only at planting or harvesting times? By the same token, if you own a small business, do you expect that they will one day take over?

Reach out to a professional who can educate you about succession planning. Discuss with your family any long-term goals and who will be responsible for what parts of the operation. And don't expect these to be easy or quick. Both your family and your farm or small business are important. Allow for discussions to happen over time and to work things out so that there is a clear plan.

Building New Relationships

One last thing to consider is how your relationships with your adult children will continue to grow.

Make plans to visit, have dinner, or vacation with your adult children. It is a reward to have conversations with the people you raised.

Together you can share memories from the past and relish each other's new stories. You now have the luxury of being able to do all of this without the added worry of getting the homework done or making sure the carpool schedule is up to date. You may even field a few questions from these new adults looking for advice in running their own busy household.

Empty nesting will be what you make it. So make this time in your life as meaningful and rewarding as the time you spent rearing your children.

Reference

Bougea, A., Despoti, A., & Vasilopoulos, E. (2019). Empty-nest-related psychosocial stress: Conceptual issues, future directions in economic crisis. Psychiatrike, 30(4), 329-338.