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Everyday Grief on the Pennsylvania Farm

Gain an understanding of grief in everyday life and on the farm, including different forms of grief, such as ambiguous loss, along with suggested strategies and resources.

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Updated:

June 3, 2026

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All of us will experience grief at some point in our lives and will benefit from the support of our community. Grief isn't always about the loss of a loved one, however. It can also look like a torrential rain just before harvest, the loss of a poultry flock to illness, or the decision to sell the dairy cows on a multi-generational farm. This sometimes less-visible aspect of grief is called "ambiguous loss" when something or someone is partly here and partly gone.

What Is Ambiguous Loss?

The term 'ambiguous loss' describes grief without a clear ending or closure. Dr. Boss first described this experience in her 1999 book, "Ambiguous loss: Learning to live with unresolved grief," and related the term to life experiences. The concept relates to life experiences, such as the absence of a physical person, who may be deployed or moved away, but their presence is active in our memory and lives in other ways. Similarly, someone we love may be physically with us, but mentally faraway, such as a loved one with dementia.

In agriculture, this might look like:

A family member who is physically present but no longer able to do the hard labor of farming so is shifting into a different role. A family farm tradition that is slipping away, such as a celebration or shared labor, without anyone pointing to a clear reason.
A dream—like passing of the farm to the next generation—that may not materialize, so it is likely the tradition of a multigenerational farm will end.

When loss is ambiguous, grief can feel hard to process without rituals or a clear ending. This can further add to the confusion and helplessness in navigating the experience and how others respond to us.

Other forms of grief can similarly go unrecognized. These can include (Boss, 1999):

Anticipatory grief: Feeling grief for a loss that hasn't happened—like anticipating the loss of crops during a drought or challenging market changes.
Disenfranchised grief: When others don't recognize your grief, you feel dismissed. For example, a farmer shares their concerns with a friend and receives the response, "It's just a dry year, next year will be better."
Frozen grief: Grief that can't move forward because you're still stuck in a kind of waiting room. Such as waiting on an adult child to take over the farm, but they won’t make up their mind.

Turning Grief into Resilience

Name It

Calling grief by its name gives it space to receive the care it needs. We can acknowledge everyday grief in many different ways, and this can start by practicing ways to talk about it. For example, saying, "I'm stuck because I don't know who will take over the farm" to a trusted friend or loved one can be helpful in itself.

Use Tools

There are tools and resources that can help. One resource that can help is the lessons and tools available through WPSU's "Speaking Grief" program, which provides guidance on talking about grief and supporting others who are navigating it (WPSU, n.d). They also have a related program called "Learning Grief" for those looking for ways to support grieving children (WPSU, n.d.).

There are also programs such as "A Changing Way of Life: Ambiguous Loss and Farming" created by the University of Minnesota Extension (University of Minnesota Extension, 2022). Penn State Extension also offers the "Grief and Loss Every Day" webinar through the Mental Wellness series that is specific to grief and supporting others in our lives who are experiencing it, as well as several other programs related to mental health and stress management (Penn State Extension, 2025).

Seek Community

Talking about grief helps build resilience. Practicing everyday moments of actively listening and supporting someone without judgment as they navigate stress or change helps us practice for when larger topics are shared and need our support. Outside of our family and friends, we can also seek more support through the AgriStress Helpline (833-897-2474) or 988, both of which can connect us to additional help.

Redefine Identity

If the farm is changing, maybe your role will change, too. Mentoring the successor, shifting to a new enterprise, or preserving land through conservation are ways to hold onto purpose while embracing change and honoring the past. Dr. David Kessler, a psychologist with expertise in grief, talks about the importance of "finding meaning" in navigating grief in his 2019 book. His work suggests that being able to create new traditions that honor the loss, finding ways of giving back to our communities, or sharing your story in a way that might help others, can be particularly powerful.

Accept Uncertainty

Ambiguous loss doesn't resolve neatly. Instead of pushing for closure, find ways to live with both loss and hope. That might mean using small traditions—such as planting a favorite tree, telling stories, or teaching a new skill—to keep the farm's heart alive.

Final Thoughts: Growing Through Loss

Grief on the Pennsylvania farm now has many layers and can include the shadow of uncertainty as they wait to see what comes next

But grief is a sign of love—for land, harvest, family. Naming it, sharing it, and reaching for help allows us to farm with both resilience and realism. In the face of change, grief can coexist with hope—and in that meeting, we find the strength to keep tending what matters most.