Parent’s Response Important When Handling Temper Tantrums

     What adults must understand is that we all get angry – even children. Below are some tips for handling temper tantrums from the University of Minnesota Extension Service.
     When a child starts to become angry, try giving him a hug or other show of affection. Sometimes this is all a child needs to regain control when frustrated or anxious. You can also try to ease his tension through humor. Gently kidding a child out of a temper tantrum offers him the opportunity to save face. But be sure that you are not teasing or being sarcastic toward the child.
     When a child does become angry and a temper tantrum occurs, don't spank. Hitting or spanking a child for acting aggressively or doing something wrong is guaranteed to backfire. It can make the tantrum worse. It also teaches your child that hitting is okay.
     Instead, accept your child's anger. Let your child know his feelings are okay. But if the anger is being expressed in ways that are not okay, help your child find better ways. For example, talking is a good way to get rid of feelings of anger and frustration. When your child becomes worked up, encourage him to use his words, rather than hitting, grabbing, or some other physical action.
     When a child resorts to a tantrum your response is really important. This is the time your child needs you the most. He needs you to remain calm. He needs to be comforted, and he needs your help to regain control. Try ignoring the tantrum if you can. Take your own time out if you need to. If the tantrum cannot be ignored, try giving your child a time out, a chance to cool down. Or remove your child from the situation. Some children need your help to calm down. Hold your child closely, and talk softly to your child.
     Even more important than handling a tantrum is finding out what caused it so that you can try to avoid the circumstances that might trigger another outburst. Temper tantrums most often occur when a child is tired or frustrated. Consider whether you can reduce the demands on the child. If a child appears tense, a little extra attention may prevent an eventual angry outburst. Prepare your child in advance for changes in activity. Explain why a play schedule must be interrupted or why a request is being denied. Try to keep the child's environment calm and not overly competitive.
     Anger is a feeling we all have. It is normal to feel angry and it can be frightening. Parents need to help children learn how to deal with angry feelings. Don't let your child use tantrums to get their way. Giving in to tantrums teaches your child that "tantrums" work. Help your child learn other ways of expressing his anger or getting their needs met without having a tantrum.
   
Karen Thomas is a family and consumer sciences educator for Penn State Cooperative Extension in Lackawanna County.